Flatulent Walrus #2 Photograph by Jim Williams

Flatulent Walrus #2

by Jim Williams

Title

Flatulent Walrus #2

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Short Story

Description

FOX MYASSA'S FOXED-UP SPORTS REPORT:
POLES STICK IT TO HOLES!

The North Poles of Saint Imię Nazwisko University from Minni-Boinka, upper Ellesmere Island in the Canadian Province of Nunavut defeated our CRAACKS of Myassa Fightin' Sink Holes by the score 78-3 to complete the Holes' first ever football season with more disappointingly anticlimactic play.

After the initial 30 seconds of intense excitement, the Poles relentlessly pounded the Holes and their futile attempts to overcome the Poles' superior positions throughout the not brief enough encounter. Head Coach Bobo Brazil's cut blocking and power running game plan to stop the Poles' deep penetrations and well-rounded ball possessions proved futile as the battle hardened Poles easily waxed the Brazilian cut and run offense. Many times it appeared that the Holes were simply assuming the position with no passion.

The Holes' three points were the result of a "Wrong Way Corrigan" type confused play in which St. Imię's kicker, Flatulent Walrus, because of his unique Inuit spinning place kick style, accidentally turned what was intended to be a relatively easy 33 yard field goal attempt through the Holes' goal posts into a record 87 yard field goal through his own team's goal posts as the final seconds ticked off the clock. The clock wasn't the only thing that was ticked off by then. To celebrate the season's end, the Holes poured a 55 gallon drum of Myassa Terrible Tiger Gatorade on Coach Brazil, which froze him solidly to the icy field within seconds.

There are no individual statistics to print because the Holes' equipment manager neglected to pack the team's uniforms and the game was played using the time-tested shirts (Saint Imię) versus skins (CRAACKS) team designations and the team statistician couldn't tell who was doing what. Especially when the entire team turned blue (Saint Imię's shirt color) in the 3' snow drifts on the field.

But just wait until next year when Saint Imię's plays in Myassa's Fightin' Sink Holes Field after we camouflage the Myassa State Sink Hole in the middle of the gridiron.
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