Title
Dude Where is My Hurricane
Artist
Rantin N RavenFaux VI and Lyda Dzgoldynzscheyzes
Medium
Photograph - Photo By Wm Huey, Esq. And Short Rant
Description
DUDE, WHERE’S MY HURRICANE!? I mean,
I WAS PROMISED A HURRICANE!!
But look at what I come home to after eight days of evacuating! It’s cleaner than when I left! Do you know what it took for me to spend eight days in a car driving The Right Honorable Spouse around “evacuating”? Her evacuation plans included every shoe store to the north within a 200 mile radius and overnight stays in Walmart parking lots! If shoe stores were closed, even for Hurricane Irma, the RHS would call the managers and somehow convince them to open the stores. Very loudly. I couldn’t even understand half the words for all the shrieking. It took us four days to get all the way north to Valdosta, Georgia, 75 miles. Somehow, she made me drive another four day shoe shopping de-evacuation tour without stopping at any shoe stores from the evacuation. (Southern adage: For a happy marriage, just shut up and do what she said.)
I blame Goobernator Rank the Skank ‘Screwball’ Cueball. I knew it was a fake hurricane. This was some kind of GOD Party-alt right conspiracy, probably aided by Russia and Texas (it's rumored that Texas is shipping excess water from hurricane Harvey to south Florida), attempting to blame Your Mayor for inventing global climate change with the giant left wing conspiracy mongers plus China and North Korea. That’s the same Goober who thinks that if it isn’t raining on him that it isn’t raining anywhere. How could climate be changing? He’s still got air conditioning! Suddenly, he is THE scientific authority on hurricanes! Oh, that’s right, he’s running for US Senate.
So the Goobernator colluded with the power industry to shut down the electric grid to over 7 million accounts in south Florida. By turning on the golf course watering system and constantly flushing the toilets in Mar-a-Lago, the GOD Party and President Pushy Groper plugged up sewer systems all the way to Tampa and forced a bazillion snowbirds to insanely rush north all in a dither over a fake hurricane! Cueball can fool those Yankee transplants, but he can’t fool a real Floridian! We know how to weather a hurricane in style! We drive all over south Georgia looking for shoe stores. In the rain.
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Rambling rant transcribed and interpreted by Lyda Dzgoldynzscheyzes, Office Goddess and winner of six Golden Booties.
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Disclaimer: Over 15 million Floridians lost power and were flooded out during Irma, lost homes and lives, and I have complete sympathy for them. Hurricane Hermine wrecked our home and town in 2016. The goobernator pissed and moaned for two weeks afterwards and he didn't even lose power. I just couldn't stop myself from making a cheap dig against FL climate change denier governor Rick Scott. And Pushy Groper. And Texas.
Uploaded
September 13th, 2017
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Viewed 465 Times - Last Visitor from Cupertino, CA on 04/11/2024 at 8:56 AM
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