Genesis 3 - The Mowing Man Cometh Photograph by Jim Williams

Genesis 3 - The Mowing Man Cometh

by Jim Williams

Title

Genesis 3 - The Mowing Man Cometh

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Short Story With Found Image

Description

Warning! This chapter contains adult subject matter. To continue, please ascertain that you are at least 13 years old.

GENESIS CHAPTER 3 - THE MOWING MAN COMETH,

OR

OF THE HOUSES AND THE GARDENS AND THE GOODS AND THE PLENTIES

1. Now the Right Honorable Spouse's appetite was more substantial than any specie which The Mayor had seen. And he said unto the Woman, Yea, Have I not said, that you should not eat of every morsel of the House and Gardens?
2. And The Right Honorable Spouse said to The Mayor, I can eat anything I want to. Get your own fruit of the trees of the Myassa State Endangered Invasive Species Flora and Fauna Preserve.
3. But of her fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the preserve, she said, Do not dare eat of it! Do not even touch it, or I will kill you!
4. And The Mayor said to the Woman, You will eat yourself to death.
5. The Mayor said, If you keep eating all day, then your eyes will pop out and you shall no longer know of the Good and Plenty.
6. When the woman saw that the Good and Plenty were good, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a treat to be desired, she got wise. She took of the Good and Plenty thereof, salivating on her raiment, and did disrobe, and she also let her husband have a taste, and he did disrobe.
7. And the mouths of them both were opened, and they knew that they were drooling, and so together made themselves wear aprons.
8. And they heard the voice of the mowing man walking in the Myassa National Old Growth Kudzu Forest in the cool of the day; and The Mayor and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the mowing man behind the House and Gardens.
9. And the mowing man called out The Mayor, saying, Mr. Mayor, where are you?
10. And The Mayor said, I heard you coming and I was startled and tried to hide behind the House and Gardens.
11. And the mowing man said, You did not tell me that you were going to be naked. Are you to eat of all this tree of Good and Plenty? Did you not tell me not to eat of it?
12. And The Mayor said, The Right Honorable Spouse gave them to me, so we ate them all.
13. And The Mayor said to the mowing man, Who are you to tell me what to do? And The Right Honorable Spouse said, Are you trying to tell me what I can eat?
14. And The The Mayor said to the mowing man, Because you have done well in the mowing of the sandspurs and of the beggar lice, you are promoted and are now keeper of the buttoxen, butthoes, bumbums, bootays, dingla-beris, skunkacabrases, gerbils, and all the other animals in the field because of all the sandspurs and beggar lice you have mowed and all the dust you have eaten.
15. And I will build a cabin and you can bring your woman, your kids, and her kids. If you hit your head on the door and bruise it, be sure to let it heal.
16. To the mowing man he said, I will greatly multiply your salary, at least in concept. To the woman The Right Honorable Spouse said, remember your fourth child and get contraception. Then his desire will give your pussy-whip the rule over him.
17. And to the mowing man The Mayor said, Hearken to the pussy-whip of your wife and eat of the bush of the Y as she has demanded, for, if you do not eat of the bush of the Y, there will be no place for your tree to grow, or to cop a field, and because you are married, you will eat of it for all the days of your life.
18. Horny gristle shall it be brought forth when you eat of the hairy herbs of the bush of the Y.
19. Your face will grow moist when you eat of it until you return to the wastes of the sandspurs and the beggar lice, and when you mow you will eat dust until you wish to return to the bush of the Y.
20. And The Mayor calls his barren wife The Right Honorable Spouse, but truly is she a Muthuh to live with.
21. And The Mayor and his Right Honorable Spouse put their raiment on.
22. And The Mayor said, Look, the mowing man is a man who is working for us, and has put his hand out for a fourth of the Good and Plenty, and now, lest he put out his other hand also, he will be told, Read it and get a life!
23. Thus The Mayor handed him a fourth of the House and Gardens.
24. So he drove the mowing man east to the gardens of Myassa National Old Growth Kudzu Forest and to a flaming chicken vane which turns every whichaway, depending upon which way the wind does blow.

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Followeth thou The Mayor or thou shalt truly diet:
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