Pieces of the True Cross of Jesus with Reliquary

by Jim Williams

Title

Pieces of the True Cross of Jesus with Reliquary

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Short Story

Description

When The Mayor went back to visit with the Lord High Bishop Bigga-Butz, there was a surprise that Bishy had kept secret and The Mayor was gonna to be the first, and possibly last, person to touch the new ancient fetishes. The Mayor was mighty flattered and started rappin "I like Bigga-Butz and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny ..." to a couple of monks walkin by. You know he's serious because Rantin N. Raven-Faux VI will always be the only politician who lives up to his name.

Bubba Bishop started by tellin The Mayor about the miraculous circumstances surroundin his acquisition of the new fetishes. Seems he was havin lunch at the Our Lady of Perpetual Sacred Collateral Damage cafeteria a few days before, chattin up the nuns an school girls. As was his practice, he gathered up the silverware, dishes, salt and pepper shakers, napkin holder, ketchup, hot sauce, Crystaloid� tumblers, an all nuns an students he could to take back to his suite above the chapel. Like all Bishops, he was wearin a huge muumuu with all kinds a pockets in it to squirrel away things without bein caught. (Whenever The Mayor had him over to visit with him and The Right Honorable Spouse, they took inventory a all their possessions an locked up anything smaller than BroPop's muumuu. If he was comin for dinner, they got out their best plastic silverware, accumulated from all the fast food places that they ate at an nailed the good microwave platters an paper plates an Dixie cups to the dinner table. They also kept an eye on the food an drinks cause he was known to have zip lock bags an a coupla thermoses hidden in his muumuu. They knew better than to use a table cloth.)

Gettin back to Big Booty's story, when he got back to his suite an started unloadin his muumuu, there was somethin he hadn't noticed in his heisty haste. There was a reliquary in the loot. He shook it all around an rubbed his eyes an looked again but it was still there. It was like a little cylinder with a dome on it. He removed the dome and shook it again an scattered what first looked like splinters all over.

Daddy Max gathered up all the wood an stuck it back into the plastic reliquary. He knew The Mayor would be interested, so BishPop called the Myassa Liquors Bar & Grill / Town Hall an left a message for The Mayor to come on over at his earliest convenient moment an to bring his fuzzy Innocent Bystander mascot suit with im. To the preacherman's disappointment The Mayor came over without the fuzzy mascot suit an explained that he'd just shampooed it and it was so frizzy that he couldn't control it. Glutes said tha same thing happened to him when he washed his hands around students an nuns. At least that's what he tells em.

Gluto went to the pantry where it was hidden an brought the reliquary out for The Mayor to see. An it was not only packaged nice but each piece of the wood had been carefully trimmed, rolled into slim cylinders an pointed on the end so you could shake em out one at a time through the little holes in the top of the reliquary. He explained what an extraordinary miracle it was to find that many pieces a The True Cross� in a cafeteria. In fact, no other church had found as many pieces in their cafeterias.

Bein a good host, da Beesh got out some snacks of pickled onions, black olives an chunks a cheese, but forgot to bring any serving utensils. So he just took out a couple of pieces of The True Cross�, handed one to The Mayor an they started into pokin em in the snacks. The Mayor thought it was a really good idea to sharpen up the fetishes like that so they had real uses instead a sittin around in their reliquary all the time. He made sure, after pickin his teeth clean, that his was licked off real good before puttin it back into the reliquary.

All in all, they had a good time until The Right Honorable Spouse called looking for The Mayor to come home an start fixin her dinner. The Mayor asked if he could take the left over pickled onions, black olives an chunks a cheese home to feed her an BroDad said sure, just a minute. Then he laid hands on em and they turned into a five course meal. The Mayor thinks The Big B had em under his muumuu.

See the ongoing story in my Short Story gallery:
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/wacks-museum.html?tab=artworkgalleries&artworkgalleryid=536130

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August 23rd, 2014

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