Title
Presidential Press Conference
Artist
Jim Williams
Medium
Photograph - Found Photo And Short Story
Description
PUSHY GROPER'S POLICIES
In his first month, President Pushy Groper consulted for almost minutes with his cabinet members to concoct policies to make A Merka great again for the 45th time during his administration. In order to make a really big deal about them, a press conference was called at the 19th hole on the new golf course that he had constructed on Arlington Cemetery after dispensing with several thousand useless corpses. The Secretary of Defense had told him that would desecrate the graves of heroes from the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, and Merchant Marines. The first casualties buried there were sailors on the USS Maine from the US invasion of Cuba. POTUS replied that they weren't heroes because they were dead and therefore obviously losers, so he didn't want them in his golf course.
When his budget advisers questioned the expense, the President explained that, due to his experiences in the art of the deal, he got really huge insider discounts for its construction. He confided that he saved over $4 billion simply by not paying the contractors. He privately tweeted that the course was an ego-maniacal thumb to the eyes of his detractors.
President Groper arrived an hour and 14 minutes late and spent the first 2 hours shaking hands and grabbing his teen girl fan club, Groper's Gropees (see photo, above), much to the excitement of their parents and holy men. Then he was carried to the podium on the Secret Service's shields. He welcomed the press to the christening of his new golf club, Groper's Mar-A-Merka, with an hour of self-praise, describing all the luxuries that he would enjoy but that they would not. He offhandedly conceded that his predecessor was born in the US. He was reminded by his official time keepers, the Cue Clocks Clan, that he had another meeting on the first tee. He began to leave until being reminded why he was there. He returned to the podium and said that his Press Secretary was going to show them something very, very important. He turned to the dignitaries on stage with him, shook their hands, told them that they were all fired, and was triumphantly carried away by the Secret Service.
The President's Press Czars, the National Occidental Temple for Zero Emigres from Emirate States (NOTZEES), tossed the new policies to the press corps tied to tear gas grenades, ending the questions and answers period. None of the policies were the same on any two handouts. The following list is provided to FAUX NEWS MYASSA by freelance journalist Emanuella H. Kruiken-Feist, who was crying and showering for four hours before we noticed her report.
ENVIRONMENTAL POLICY
Water Quality: Flush twice.
Soil Quality: Frack like nobody's watching!
Air Quality: Pull my Finger!
DEFENSE POLICY
I'll sue!
EDUCATION POLICY
Get a job!
GLOBAL NUCLEAR PROLIFERATION
What, me worry?
WORKER'S RIGHTS
You're fired!
POVERTY
Get another credit card.
CONSTITUTIONAL LAW
Huh?
INCOME TAX REFORM
If you like your tax lawyer, you can keep your tax lawyer.
THREE BRANCHES OF GOVERNMENT
I'm more equal than they are.
IMMIGRATION
Give me your whites, your males, your huddled billionaires yearning to be tax free.
VOTER FRAUD
I won.
TITLE IX ENFORCEMENT
Grab 'em by the pussy!
SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, ENGINEERING, AND MATH EDUCATION
Pray harder.
FAMILY PLANNING
Hello Mom!
ENTITLEMENT PROGRAMS
Entitlement c'est Moi!
RIGHTS OF PROTESTERS
The First Amendment guaranteed them the right to speak freely, so shut up!
BLACK LIVES MATTER ACTIVISTS
I could shoot one in Times Square and nobody would care.
BIPARTISAN CONGRESS
Drain the swamp.
======================================================
CHANNEL FAUX NEWS MYASSA
See video at 4 on FAUX NEWS @ FAUX O'CLOCK on FAUX MYASSA.
(This is NOT the video of Ms. Kruikin-Feist in the shower.)
============================================================
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February 16th, 2017
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Comments (22)
Hartmut Jager
JIM I have No doubt that those lovely ladies, of a long gone age, would have bashed fake mini president Groper across his ears with their trophies and especially with the umbrella - should he have tried to grope them in his salacious juvenile macho-man way. :-)
Jack Zulli
Think the trophies are in the wrong hands;)
Jim Williams replied:
Maybe the umbrella was first prize. Or maybe the contest was for Miss Distracted. Thanks, Jack.
RjFxx at beautifullart com
BEAUTIFUL CAPTURE AND SUCH CREATIVE WORK!! love RjFxx. Adding my LIKE now!
Alana Thrower
I don't know whether to be inspired or appalled. OK I'll just get another credit card and call it good! Thanks for the insight, I think... l/f
Susan Brown Slizys art signature name
Unlike president Pushy my family have fought in all the Wars since the Revolution.
Jim Williams replied:
Excellent credentials. Mine may have also served, but I can't be certain for which sides. Some of mother's ancestors would have been Redcoats for the revolution and War of 1812. My father's side probably fought for the Confederacy during the War of Northern Aggression. My father's father was a railroad worker, thus exempt from the military in WWI, but he did ride with the Klan protecting the hills of Tennessee from farm laborers. At the same time, my mother's father was a union buster. My father was medically discharged during WWII; my brother sat on an Air Force bench in Memphis for the entire Korean war, served in Viet Nam twice without ever seeing combat; and I was stationed in Germany during Viet Nam. I'm glad that we never had to shoot somebody. Regarding Presidential combat, GHW Bush was the last President to fight.
Susan Brown Slizys art signature name
Jim, Over the top!! President Pushys' newest golf course will actually help create new jobs! Mortuary buildings on the Reflecting Pools property could improve employment. Then the extra corpses would help prove that the Inauguration crowd really was the BIGGEST in history.Also love your Immigration solution too.Really a great mind at play!!!FAV