The Official Seal of the Resident

by Jim Williams

Title

The Official Seal of the Resident

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Digital

Description

GROPER ADMINISTRATION RELEASES REVISED CALENDAR

The President Pushy Groper Administration’s Part One of the newly revised Presidential calendar has been announced. According to the SpokesGroper General, it will be HUUUGE and make A Merka great again.*

In order to allow citizens and corporations enough time to prepare, use of the Gregorian calendar shall end June 13, 11:59 pm and the Groperian calendar will take effect at 12:00 midnight, New Year’s Day, Pushy 1, 71PP **, formerly June 14th, 2017CE.

As the most important month that he is making great, the month of Pushy will have 35 days. The five extra days will be for the annual pilgrimage to Mar-A Merka, where the Arlington National Cemetery once stood buried. The rest are named for relatives and have 30 days each.***

New months, in order, are:
1. Pushy,
2. Iwanna, daughter
3. Fittaknee, daughter
4. Jirruck, son
5. Junior, son
6. Boron, son
7. Jarhed, son in law
8. Arra-Fella, grand daughter(?)
9. Chaise Lounge, grand daughter
10. C’h’e’, grand daughter
11. Oleannova, mother
12. Edselbutt, grandmother

Pushy 1st is a Power Holiday, combining President Groper’s birthday with New Year’s Day, Presidents’ Day, MLK Day, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, Hanukkah, Gay Pride Day, Constitution Day, Veterans’ Day, Memorial Day, Fathers’ Day, VE Day, VJ Day and other minor celebrations.

Leap Day will be added to the beginning of the month of Pushy every four years, with the date Pushy -1 and an option to celebrate it every year if it proves popular. It provides another day for the faithful to prepare the celebration of Pushy’s birthday. Leap Day will be HUUUGE!

On Pushy 30th the President presents the Call to Gather Ye Groper Faithful to begin the annual pilgrimage to Mar-A-Merka, celebrated from Pushy 31 through Pushy 35.

April Fools’ Day is replaced with an undetermined number of Alternate Facts Days.

Independence Day will be on Jarhed 4 and is rebranded Feel Freely Day;

The former Thanksgiving Day is now Gropesgiving Day and observed on the fourth Thursday of Oleannova;

Mothers’ Day is Nasty Women’s Day, observed on the second Wednesday of the first week of Oleannova;

Halloween is rebranded Groperween, observed on C’h’e’ 30th.

Election day will be the second Tuesday of the first week of Oleannova.

Jesus Christ’s birthday was December 25 in PPP, and 12/25 will remain the celebration of the birthday of Christ in the PP. To celebrate his grandmother, Edselbutt Christ, Christmas will be observed annually on Edselbutt 25th. It will also maintain the tradition of not being the actual birthday of the Christ being celebrated and will provide foreplay to the New Years’ celebration week which climaxes on Pushy Groper’s Birthday.

Weeks will be shortened to five days because they fit the new calendar better, with seven weeks in Pushy and six weeks in all the rest. Saturday and Sunday are already removed from the week. It retains the five day workweek and is expected to increase workplace captivity. The new days of the week will be named after his grandsons in post-pre-part two of the President’s calendar revision: DoFried, Tedious, Tryte, Springer, and Trepan.

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*If it doesn’t he’ll ‘’find all the poor people who are screwing it up and sue them for everything they’ve got.’’ The president is a little weak on “poor”.

**PP is Post Pushy era. Prior to Pushy 1, 0001PP is the Pre-Post Pushy era, or PPP.

***He never could get the gist of “thirty days has September,…” anyway.

Uploaded

April 26th, 2017

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