Title
The Eleventh Commandment - NFS
Artist
Jim Williams
Medium
Photograph - Short Story
Description
THE 11th COMMANDMENT
4000 YEARS AGO:
Meanwhile, as Moses's multitudes meandered mindlessly, monotonously munching mighty mounds of manna morning to morning, Moses mused, mulling many muted memories.
"Where's the excitement, the drama, the miracles that You provided me with in my power grab?" Moses prayed. "The common folks are growing restless and I feel their awe of me waning. I need a little help here, ya got anything?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
"Well, when I tell em what to do, a lot of em ignore me, so I was thinking you could somehow reinforce my authority with a good miracle or two, like in the old days. Something to get the old zealot blood pumping. Maybe if You told em what to do, I can act as Your voice and they'd have to listen to me again."
"WHAT DO YOU WANT THEM TO DO?"
"There's a whole bunch of em that worship another deity and I want everyone to worship You."
"THROUGH YOU, OF COURSE."
"Yeah, of course. I'm Your bud, right?"
"MMMM ... WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. I AM A JEALOUS GOD, BUT THAT'S REALLY COMMON AMONGST ALL US GODS. LET ME CALL A COUNCIL."
......................................................
"NOPE. THE BAD NEWS IS THAT THEY WON'T RELINQUISH THEIR GODLY EQUALITY, BUT NOW WE HAVE A POLICY.
NONE OF US WANT TO BE SECONDARY TO ANY OF THE OTHERS, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WE'VE AGREED THAT ONE CANNOT BE BEFORE THE OTHERS EITHER."
"Uhh, good news?"
"IT'S ALL SEMANTICS NOW. IN ORDER TO USE THE NEW POLICY TO OUR ADVANTAGE WE'LL USE AMBIGUOUS LANGUAGE. TO SET THE TONE AND MY AUTHORITY THE 1st RULE WILL BE THAT NO OTHER GODS MAY COME BEFORE ME. WE WON'T MENTION THE OTHER PART OF THE POLICY."
"Okay. There will be no God before me ... I mean You."
"THAT'S THE IDEA. I'M NOT MUCH OF AN ART LOVER. YOU HUMANS MAKE THE MOST RIDICULOUS LOOKING STATUES AND DRAWINGS OF YOUR DEITIES. I MEAN, BIRDS HEADS" COW HEADED? JACKAL HEADED? 8 ARMS, WINGS, CLAWS? C'MON. ABSOLUTELY NO REPRESENTATIONS OF ME. IT'LL SPOIL MY MYSTERIOUS NATURE. THAT'LL BE RULE NUMBER 2. RULE # 3 WILL SAY THAT I'M JEALOUS TOO. THAT SOUNDS PRETTY INTIMIDATING."
.................................................................
That went on for a while and pretty soon they came up with the 10 things that established Moses' authority as Yoohoody's voice on earth. HE didn't bother to tell Moses that it wasn't true but that would be good for a laugh now and then. At Yuhu's insistence another was added, but it didn't please Moses.
..................................................................
"WRITE THOSE RULES DOWN, MOSES. SO YOU WON'T FORGET"
"I'll do it, but I don't think it will carry much weight with these people. Maybe You could deliver them to me."
"CAN'T DO THAT. NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO SEE ME. IF THEY SAW ME THEY MIGHT DRAW A PICTURE OF ME AND WE JUST WENT OVER THAT. HOW ABOUT YOU COMING UP HERE? I'LL PUT ON AN UNFORGETTABLE LIGHT SHOW FOR THEM. THEY'LL BE RETELLING THE STORY FOR YEARS."
"Uhh ... where are you?"
"IN A CAVE ON MOUNT SINAI. I'LL CREATE AN ENGRAVING THAT YOU CAN CARRY BACK WITH YOU. IT'LL BE MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN A PIECE OF PAPER."
"Lord? What is a piece of paper?"
"OH, YEAH, YOU GUYS HAVEN'T INVENTED PAPER YET. IT'S LIKE PAPYRUS BUT A LOT THINNER. YOU'LL EVENTUALLY GET IT FROM THE CHINESE. DOESN'T MATTER, I HAVE SOMETHING MORE IMPRESSIVE IN MIND. IT''L TAKE A FEW MINUTES. BE RIGHT BACK."
...............................................................................
"IT'S READY. COME ON UP."
..................................................................................
Thusly did Moses ascend. He got there in a few minutes, but in order to make it more impressive he would be there for days with a lightning storm scaring the masses below. Before the cave, Yippy-IO had set up a trick bush. At Moses' approach it burst into flame, almost startling Moses down the side of the mountain cliff. God howled in laughter. That trick always gets them.
After the bush stopped burning, Moses found a large slab of stone behind it with some wiggly symbols carved into it. "PICK IT UP."
Moses tried over and over but couldn't lift it. "Hoodat? Why did You make it too heavy to pick up?"
"ARE YOU COMPLAINING? AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK I PUT INTO THAT FOR YOU? FIRST I HAD TO MAKE A STONE LIGHT ENOUGH THAT I COULD CARRY IT BACK HERE. THEN I HAD TO SHAPE IT, FLATTEN AND POLISH THE SURFACE AND CARVE THOSE SQUIGGLES INTO IT. THAT'S A LOT OF LABOR INTENSIVE WORK. BUT DON'T WORRY, I'LL GET OVER MY DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOU. SOME DAY. NOW GO WASH UP FOR DINNER."
After Moses' return to his followers, he threw an historic hissy fit and wound up breaking the stones that HE had lightened so Moses could carry them. Something about Auntie Grab a tea.
Moses had to go to another mountain to get another slab because the Mt. Sinai gift store didn't have another in stock. When he arrived he was told that the engraving was done on Sinai and he had to carry the stone tablets back himself. God has a lousy return policy. It was engraved, but only had room for 10 squiggles so the 11th commandment was engraved upon another vessel. Moses didn't mind. It was easy to lose.
======================================
A FEW MONTHS AGO
======================================
Our Lady of Perpetual Sacred Collateral Damage Girls' School took a field trip to Mt Sinai to retrace Moses' climb and on the way back down, the came upon the engraved vessel wedged between two boulders. It was perfect. It had lain there for 4000 years and looked as if it were just created. We just don't make vessels like they used to in Moses time. Real quality.
It was brought to Myassa and now rests in the reliquary showroom. It has been documented and photographed. The photos will be placed online for all to marvel.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Vo-Do-Dio had included it because, as HE explained to Moses, Earth a finite supply of all its resources and that man was its steward and needed to use it wisely. This made Moses very uncomfortable because he believed that, as a divine creation, Earth was infinitely exploitable. And when it was between what he believed and what Ham-Rey-Dio explained to him, Moses went with his beliefs. Reality be damned! Moses believed humans could do anything they wanted to the Earth without harming it or themselves and thought recycling was some sort of liberal plot to undermine his beliefs.
Moses was a global climate change denier.
See the ongoing story in my Short Story gallery:
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/wacks-museum.html?tab=artworkgalleries&artworkgalleryid=536130
Uploaded
April 15th, 2014
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Comments (3)
Barbie Corbett-Newmin
That's some biblical retelling y'all did there!!!! What fun!
Jim Williams replied:
Thanks again, Barbie. I had a great time writing it too. Whenever I reread it, it's still weird.
Joseph Baril
The best hamburger there is! I spent many of my high school nights there at my local one! It was the dive!
Jim Williams replied:
I can only agree. When our daughter comes to visit from Atlanta, it's the first place she goes for food and the last place she hits when she leaves. Apparently Georgia doesn't have them.
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