Mayor Opens New Road Construction Project

by Jim Williams

Title

Mayor Opens New Road Construction Project

Artist

Jim Williams

Medium

Photograph - Short Story

Description

Dateline: Myassa, FL
Yesterday, I think. Maybe the day before.

The Right Honorable Rantin N. Raven-Faux VI cut the ribbon to open construction on the first Interstate off-ramp to go through Myassa. It will be named after Mrs. Maya Orda, long time Librarian in the Bookmobile of the Myassa County Library System. She spent 47 years in the Bookmobile and never had one sick day or vacation day because of her dedication to the readers of Myassa County. At least she had appeared to be that dedicated. Authorities are unable to determine the exact age of her mummified body found in the driver's seat without her seat belt on (a highly dangerous and foolhardy practice, especially if you are already dead), but they carbon dated her to the Pleistocene.

Born into Myassa's local Waye family, she was always considered a quiet girl who preferred books and cats to human society. She was preceded in death by her less gregarious husband of three days from India, Nu Errol Orda, when he went for a hike in the Myassa National Old Growth Kudzu Forest to get away from her noisy page turning. He must have stood still too long because he was overtaken by the kudzu and entwined to death. She was survived by her pet(?), a bobcat found comfortably ensconced in the Dewey the Library Cat display.

After The Mayor cut the opening ribbon, several dignitaries gathered to dig the first spades of Myassa's soil in an endearingly pointless road building tradition. When the spades were being handed out, nobody could find The Mayor. It would seem that he didn't have the stamina (or the decomposition) of Mrs. Orda. Nobody had told him of the ground breaking portion of the ceremony. He had to leave because of a severe allergic reaction to anything remotely resembling work.

The ground breaking ceremony was followed by the popping of many corks from Myassa Champagne Substance, grown locally at the Dingle-Berry-Pickens Families' Farm, and the traditional ceremonial drunken brawl.

After the dedication had finally been completed the off ramp was christened the Maya Waye Orda Highway.

Story by Y.A. Duck?, Senior Mayor Correspondent

Addendum
The finished off-ramp (seen above) never connected to an Interstate highway because the route was changed to pass through property which had days before been purchased by Uber Goober-nerd Rank the Skank "Screwball" Cueball for $12. The state then purchased the 2 acres of sand spurs for $17.5 million. Even if it had gone by Myassa, the county engineers misread the blueprints for the off-ramp, building half looking at the plans from a northern perspective, then standing on the wrong side of the table and building the other half.

Follow further stories of Myassa in this gallery:
http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/wacks-museum.html?tab=artworkgalleries&artworkgalleryid=536130

Uploaded

April 13th, 2015

Colors

Embed

Share

Tags